[ Knoll is glad she can't see his face right now, since he's turned it away, but he knew what she meant when she said that she would stay.
He doesn't want her to stay here. How would they change her? What if something happens to her in the future that places her into those creatures' clutches forever?
He doesn't want--
As the aborted thought comes across his head, so does a memory from a much earlier week. The second trial had already finished and they were both tired, talking. He had the book of Fairy Tales from her clutched in his hands ever so tightly, and he had said...
'...I hope that no one would be willing to sacrifice an ally so easily--'
He can't do anything, can he? He couldn't change anything, after all. ]
Yukina, it's not your fault. If you hadn't told me, I would've found out later and it would've hurt more. At least for me it would've.
I...I'll confess. There are people back in my homeland I care for, but I have nothing and no one waiting for me, because of what I plan to do when I return.
[ Knoll's voice is shaky and he wants to break something (like that mirror), but the urge to do so fades away as soon as it appears. He's not violent by nature. He's too gentle...he's too weak. He can't even save one of the few and one of the closest friends he's ever made in his entire miserable life. ]
I understand why you made this choice and I can't do anything about it but... I don't want you to stay.
[ He knows it's useless. He says it anyway, as his voice sounds like it'll break. Like he'll cry. Maybe it sounds selfish too, but he's tired of everyone just sacrificing so they can all achieve happiness. He's just... so tired. ]
[She can't help but be curious - but he's turned away, and she can't see his face clearly, so it's not like his expressions will provide her with any clues. Still, there's something in his voice that makes it sound... serious.
Well, maybe it's just everything. This is all pretty heavy.
Her expression flickers and she looks down at her hands once more when he continues.]
...I'll be honest... I don't really want to, either. But I could never, ever live with myself if I condemned someone else to that fate just because I was afraid to face it myself. I'm tired of other people suffering while I escape. [Very, very tired.] ...maybe it's selfish. But I just want to help everyone for once.
I wasn't... of any use protecting anyone here. This is all I can do.
I had distanced myself from the few people I knew, and I was about to disappear from my country.
[ In all honesty, they hadn't known him too well that they would miss him as he went to live in complete isolation for what he's done.
His hands clench into fists, and he looks back at her. ]
Perhaps what I say is selfish, but why is it that ultimate sacrifice winds up being the only route to success? Is that what it means to live--that you must give sacrifice in order to obtain true happiness? Why must good people be forced to live their lives in eternal suffering so that others can be free?
But of course we have no other option but to be used by those who help facilitate this game in the first place. And when we now know we can't truly fight against the course they had predetermined for us.
In the end, you are my friend, and it pains me that you will suffer so--and the fact you do not wish to do this yourself only makes me wish even more that it wasn't required of anyone in the first place. Useless sentiments now, I suppose, but it is what it is.
[That sounds... so lonely. He's been so kind here that she can't imagine that the people he's distanced himself from in his homeland wouldn't go look for him, but then... she doesn't really know what his life was like before she arrived.
...she can only hope that it will turn out for the best, somehow. That someone will... stop him, or go with him.]
...I don't know why it has to be this way. All I know is that... it's the only way I've been able to find that can free the largest number of people from this place. If there was another way, I'd love to know it, but... [She doesn't think there is. Or rather - if there is, she can't even begin to imagine what that might be. Maybe if they all had access to their powers, but... they've been rendered powerless.] ...you're my friend, too. And I definitely don't want to see you trapped here, either.
...but I'm not human to start with. So... m-maybe it won't be as bad for me as we're imagining.
[ Knoll will not have anyone to stop him if they are from home. He had literally nothing before he arrived and he was even quite empty--he didn't even know if he should care about his situation. However, Percival, Yukina, and L'arachel changed that.
So, maybe if it were someone here... ]
If only there was another way indeed.
And...Yukina, I wish I could hope that it would be any less horrifying for someone who is not even human, but something tells me...that may be little chance. However, if you ask, maybe you can avoid being subjected to the corrupting changes. Or perhaps it could truly be as you say and I am simply being cynical.
[ He takes a breath. ]
....There is one more thing I wish to speak about. A word of caution, if you will.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
momijizukamori
no subject
He doesn't want her to stay here. How would they change her? What if something happens to her in the future that places her into those creatures' clutches forever?
He doesn't want--
As the aborted thought comes across his head, so does a memory from a much earlier week. The second trial had already finished and they were both tired, talking. He had the book of Fairy Tales from her clutched in his hands ever so tightly, and he had said...
'...I hope that no one would be willing to sacrifice an ally so easily--'
He can't do anything, can he? He couldn't change anything, after all. ]
Yukina, it's not your fault. If you hadn't told me, I would've found out later and it would've hurt more. At least for me it would've.
I...I'll confess. There are people back in my homeland I care for, but I have nothing and no one waiting for me, because of what I plan to do when I return.
[ Knoll's voice is shaky and he wants to break something (like that mirror), but the urge to do so fades away as soon as it appears. He's not violent by nature. He's too gentle...he's too weak. He can't even save one of the few and one of the closest friends he's ever made in his entire miserable life. ]
I understand why you made this choice and I can't do anything about it but... I don't want you to stay.
[ He knows it's useless. He says it anyway, as his voice sounds like it'll break. Like he'll cry. Maybe it sounds selfish too, but he's tired of everyone just sacrificing so they can all achieve happiness. He's just... so tired. ]
no subject
[She can't help but be curious - but he's turned away, and she can't see his face clearly, so it's not like his expressions will provide her with any clues. Still, there's something in his voice that makes it sound... serious.
Well, maybe it's just everything. This is all pretty heavy.
Her expression flickers and she looks down at her hands once more when he continues.]
...I'll be honest... I don't really want to, either. But I could never, ever live with myself if I condemned someone else to that fate just because I was afraid to face it myself. I'm tired of other people suffering while I escape. [Very, very tired.] ...maybe it's selfish. But I just want to help everyone for once.
I wasn't... of any use protecting anyone here. This is all I can do.
no subject
I had distanced myself from the few people I knew, and I was about to disappear from my country.
[ In all honesty, they hadn't known him too well that they would miss him as he went to live in complete isolation for what he's done.
His hands clench into fists, and he looks back at her. ]
Perhaps what I say is selfish, but why is it that ultimate sacrifice winds up being the only route to success? Is that what it means to live--that you must give sacrifice in order to obtain true happiness? Why must good people be forced to live their lives in eternal suffering so that others can be free?
But of course we have no other option but to be used by those who help facilitate this game in the first place. And when we now know we can't truly fight against the course they had predetermined for us.
In the end, you are my friend, and it pains me that you will suffer so--and the fact you do not wish to do this yourself only makes me wish even more that it wasn't required of anyone in the first place. Useless sentiments now, I suppose, but it is what it is.
no subject
[That sounds... so lonely. He's been so kind here that she can't imagine that the people he's distanced himself from in his homeland wouldn't go look for him, but then... she doesn't really know what his life was like before she arrived.
...she can only hope that it will turn out for the best, somehow. That someone will... stop him, or go with him.]
...I don't know why it has to be this way. All I know is that... it's the only way I've been able to find that can free the largest number of people from this place. If there was another way, I'd love to know it, but... [She doesn't think there is. Or rather - if there is, she can't even begin to imagine what that might be. Maybe if they all had access to their powers, but... they've been rendered powerless.] ...you're my friend, too. And I definitely don't want to see you trapped here, either.
...but I'm not human to start with. So... m-maybe it won't be as bad for me as we're imagining.
no subject
So, maybe if it were someone here... ]
If only there was another way indeed.
And...Yukina, I wish I could hope that it would be any less horrifying for someone who is not even human, but something tells me...that may be little chance. However, if you ask, maybe you can avoid being subjected to the corrupting changes. Or perhaps it could truly be as you say and I am simply being cynical.
[ He takes a breath. ]
....There is one more thing I wish to speak about. A word of caution, if you will.